Calumet Dreams
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The Troubles

of Having a Dog
Looky! Looky! Look at our doggy,
Ruff! Ruff! The floor is soggy!
Who? Who? Who's going to clean it up?
Why? Why? Why can't the pup?
Hurry! Hurry! Get a paper towel,
Owooo! Owooo! Oh, Great! The pup's starting to howl!
Ring! Ring! Pick up the phone,
Really! Really! Our neighbors aren't tops,
Oh-no! Oh-no! They're going to call the cops!
Quick! Quick! Put him in bed!
Wait! Wait! I know why he's acting this way!
He hasn't been fed!
Look at the sun shining through the window,
Look at the sun shining through the door,
If you stare at it long enough there's no doubt,
You won't be able to see anymore,
Who put the lights out?
I hammer in the morning,
I eat at noon,
And I sleep at supper time.
But don't you think it's odd,
I can't even make a dime?
Nobody pays to see me hammer,
Nobody pays to watch me eat roast beef,
But most of all,
Nobody pays to see me sleep on a pillow made with a leaf.
How did I survive you ask me?
Well, it's simple as cutting with a knife,
I have a wife.
Stripes on the front,
Stripes on the back,
Stripes almost every way.
That's a big cat,
That's orange and black,
Now take a good look,
Before we run away.
Santa's Lucky Day
One Christmas Eve Santa was riding in his sleigh,
When a plane got in his way,
The plane couldn't see him,
But Santa saw them!
Santa tried to steer the reindeer,
But the reindeer were so frightened they couldn't move,
Not even their toes,
They were very lucky to have Rudolph's nose.
It was so bright,
That in the night,
The plane saw it and moved out of the way,
That's all I have to say.
Monster Day
Shouldn't there be a day,
For all monsters to come out of their hiding spots,
But we'll have to make a rule,
That they can't scare little girls, boys, or tots.
They'll be big furry monsters, small lizard-like monsters, and don't forget trolls,
Monsters of every shape and size,
Even the monster that has feet that make huge holes!
There'll be the monsters with one eye,
And the monsters with two heads,
And we won't forget to praise,
The monsters that are dead.
Everybody will dress up as monsters,
If they don't they'll be lunch,
When they're dressed up as monsters,
They won't even become punch!
If we had this monster day,
I would be blamed for everything the monsters did,
I'd better run fast,
Better yet,
I think I'll pass.
My calculator's all wrong,
I don't know what to do,
Maybe I should take it for a drive.
'Cause it says 2+2=4,
When I know it should be 22,
Or 5.
A Business Man's Least Favorite Things From 1 to 10
Having fun.
Trying anything new.
Looking in the early morning at a mirror seeing me.
Slamming the door.
Going on a drive.
Picking up sticks.
Going to bed at eleven.
Being late.
Being kind.
Watching news in the den.

Scratching Post
I used to be so scratched up,
Until I got my cat a scratching post,
He had lots of other things,
But he used the scratching post the most.
Soon he got tired of it,
And used my furniture instead.
I am sort of happy about that,
Because I got a new bed!
Soon my cat got sick of scratching up my stuff,
I wanted him to scratch the scratching post,
So I started to beg,
Any how,
He scratched up my leg.
My Video Game
I got a new video game,
My parents think it's a pain.
They say I should do my homework instead of play,
Even when I play,
In school I always get an "A".
One day I brought it to school,
Every boy and girl,
Thought it was cool.
I played it during class,
And during my detention,
My playing even gave me an idea,
For a new invention!
My parents still say my video game is bad,
And they won't let me play it,
I'm doing homework instead,

I hate to say it.

The Smart Clown
One day there was a dragon,
That terrorized a town,
Everybody was afraid,
Except a smart clown.
He said,
" All we have to do is outsmart this beast,
We'll trick him by capturing him while,
He's having a feast."
"Good idea!" everybody said,
And they prepared a feast,
So they wouldn't be dead.
The dragon came to the feast,
Just as they had planned,
The dragon was caught and captured,
He was killed,
And to show their victory,
They hung up his hand.
That's how a town,

Defeated a dragon with a smart clown.

Computer Problems
My computer won't work,
I checked every wire,
Everything's plugged in,
And I'm starting to tire.
No wonder,
I bought this at an old shack,
I want my money back!
As long as you're with me you can tell I'm a glutton,
Wait! Here's the problem,
I didn't push the power button!

How To Act
You act like you're the best,
Whenever you win in any sport or any court,
Let me tell you,
When you do that you're a bad sport.
You won't have a friend,
That'll be there with you till the end.
When you win a game don't act so good,
Slap a high-five and say good game,
At least that way you might have some fame.
Jealous Nellie
Jealous Nellie is always jealous,
You know that by her name,
She always sneers and laughs at people,
You do not want to play her game.
Jealous Nellie once stole Nicole's watch,
She was so jealous that she took it,
Guess what she did,
She started to cook it!
That made poor Nicole cry,
Not to have her beautiful watch,
Then our teacher Mr. Potch,
Sent Jealous Nellie to jail,
And Jealous Nellie had to stay there until the day she will die.
For that wasn't the only thing Jealous Nellie ever stole,
Once she stole a ring,
Made of pure gold.
And that just shows,
Don't be jealous,
At least now Jealous Nellie knows.
Pop! Pop! Goes the bubble wrap I'm popping,
I don't feel like stopping!
Boom! Boom! Goes the balloons I'm popping,
They're not as fun as bubble wrap,
Let's go shopping!
Being Invisible
Down below you'll see me,
I'm as handsome as can be.
I'm wearing a suit,
And a hat,
I'm swinging in a tree.
I'm looking perfectly good,
My name is Perfect Lee.
If you could see me I know we'd be friends,
But as you can see,
I'm invisibly.
A Cat and Human Poem
Spit, Spit,
Pet, Pet, Pet,
Hiss, Hiss, Hiss, Hiss,
Scratch, Scratch, Scratch,
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Bad Kitty!
Money Chat
Peg has a strange coin,
From Zippadizoin.
Tim has a strange dollar bill,
From Plumpyhill.
Oh yeah,
I couldn't care less,
But I have tons of coins and dollar bills from the US!
Bike Problems
I always fall off my bike,
I don't know why,
My parents said I should have stuck with my trike,
And whenever my grandma sees me she says,
"Oh, my, my!"
I said I could ride,
The bike just isn't right,
The seat is too tight!
Everything's right about my bike,
From the handlebars,
To the chain made of steel,
Here's the problem,
My two wheel bike,
Only has one wheel!

I Hate Stuff That's Sticky
I hate stuff that's sticky,
I hate stuff that's slimy,
And I hate stuff that likes to squirm.
Can I hold your pet worm?
The Happy DaysJ
My Grandpa always says,
"Now these are the happy days."
Then I come up and say,
"These will always,
Be the happy days."
Then my dad comes up and says,
"These are the happy days? You two are way off! These are the unhappy days!"
Then Grandpa said to my dad,
" To you they're unhappy,
But to me and the child,
There's always a smile!"
Hot Chocolate
I love to drink hot chocolate,
It's my favorite kind of drink,
I drink it when I come inside,
It makes all the snow on me melt and shrink.
It warms up my body,
From my head to my toes,
It even warms up,
My nose.
You already know hot chocolate is my favorite drink,
But I want to tell you again,
So you know how much I love it,
This is how many cups of it I want,
I hate chores,
You probably do too,
I hate chores,
Don't you?
Chores in the morning,
And chores in the evening,
They are not fun to do!
Earl the Troll
Once there was a troll named Earl the Troll,
A sweet troll,
That ran a toll.
Everybody was scared of trolls,
So nobody was his friend,
So Earl was lonely from the morning,
To the day's end.
Then one day a little girl saw him and said,
"That poor troll, he's needs a friend."
So the little girl went and played with Earl,
Earl was happy,
So was the girl,
And they lived happily ever after,
The girl and Earl.
Baby Blanket
I sleep with my baby blanket,
I know I'm sort of old,
But I sleep with my baby blanket,
Whenever I get cold.
It's chewed on every corner,
And it's lost all it's color,
It used to be pink,
And it was put in the wash so much,
It's starting to shrink!
My mom says we should throw it away,
But my dad says it should stay.
By now it a faded gray,
I have to hide it when my friends come and stay.
But I still love my baby blanket,
I love it with all my heart,
I love my baby blanket,
We'll never part.
Being Safe
Safe Sally looks both ways before she crosses the street,
But she doesn't look left or right,
She just looks up at the sky,
And down at her feet.
Computers are smart,
Oh well, so they don’t have a heart.
Moms and Dads use them when they work,
People can also use them to play,
Usually they’ll let you play all day!
Teachers can use them to grade,
Engineers can use them to design things,
Remember more are being made,
So treat them like kings!


Fairy Tales
Fairy Tales can be funny,
And they may have a magical bunny.
I like ones with castles best,
Remember the one with the kitty in boots?
Yeah, that one takes away all my cutes.

Tornadoes hit Dorothy and take her to Oz,
And don’t forget Santa Claus.
Ladies in gowns you find a lot,
Especially watch out for Snow White,
She’ll never be warm with all her snow, or hot!
Treasure Map
I followed this map,
And I found treasure on a deserted island,
It was buried by a great pirate called Siland.
On the way here I was taking a nap,
When a big storm struck,
And ripped my boat to a shred,
All my crew is dead!
I survived and swam here,
How would I dock my boat anyhow,
They don't have a pier!
I have all the treasures,
That Siland stole from Rome,
Like gems, gold, and rubies,
Now all I need,
Is a way to get home!
The Dinosaurs Became Extinct
Everybody wonders about how the dinosaurs became extinct,
I know,
It didn't happen that long ago.
I was playing around and invented a time machine,
I told it to take me to the dinosaur age,
It did,
And I was only a kid!
Soon I felt like I had to sneeze,
I had such a big sneeze,
It knocked over a little tree.
That tree tipped over a bigger tree,
And so on.
Then all the trees were down in the whole world!
I was definitely not having fun.
The plant-eater dinosaurs didn't have anything to eat so they starved and died,
The meat-eater dinosaurs didn't have anything to eat either because all the plant-eaters died,
But the meat-eaters still tried,
They soon died.
So if you're ever wondering why you don't see dinosaurs anymore,
They're not itching fleas,
It's because of my sneeze.
Liddle Lucky and the Ducky
There once was a dog named Liddle Lucky,
He had a very nice home,
He lived by a pond with a ducky,
They all lived happily,
In Rome!
One day as the ducky was takin' a bath,
And the kids at school were doin' some math,
Liddle Lucky came to the pond,
Soon him and Ducky began to bond.
Everyday they'd play together,
Until one day Liddle Lucky.......
Pulled out Ducky's favorite feather!
Then they had a big fight,
That lasted through the night.
There was squallin' and bawlin' ,
Quacking and smacking,
Then there was a voice from above,
One they love,
And that voice got them back together,
And that was good,
But guess how they did it,
A human set out a plate of duck and puppy food.

What do you want to watch on TV,
Cartoons or Nicky McBea?
Educational or News,
Or The Case of the Missing Gym Shoes?
We can choose more,
Or whatever you see,
That's what's so fun,
About a TV.
Class Awards
In our class at the end of the year,
We all feel lots of fear.
That's when Mrs. Fords,
Gives out the awards!
Everybody gets one,
No matter what,
Even if it's the one,
For the smelliest foot.
Pop E. Tart,
Got the one for being really smart.
Ben A. Bean,
Got one for being most mean.
Nev R. Lie,
Got one for being most shy.
Hope B. Shyer,
Is the biggest liar.
Trap D. Rat,
Got the award for being most fat.
But as for myself,
I, Pick A. Pea,
Got an award,
For being me.

A Death
Look at the bird high in the sky,
So full of colors,
Watch it fly!
Here comes a hunter,
Get away bird, GET AWAY!
Boom! Bang!
The gun is shot,
The bird's down,
That poor little thing,
It's shot in the wing!
It's dying,
Good - bye bird,
You were only alive seven months, SEVEN!
I hope you'll go,
To Bird Heaven.
Never Trust A Hog
Hop! Hop! Over the log,
Look at that,
Cute little frog.
He lives in a bog,
And every morning the bog gets fog.
His best-friend's a dog,
They play with a pog.
But then one day came a hog,
He ate the frog,
And scared off the dog,
And cracked the pog,
Got rid of the log,
And polluted the bog,
The polluted bog got rid of the fog.
So remember now,
Never trust a hog.
No More TV
I was very bad you see,
I was watchin' too much TV.
So Dad had to throw it out,
Even though I would cry and shout.
Then one day I caught him watchin' it,
He really put up a big fit.
Then I got mad at him,
And then I went and told my friend Kim.
When we got there,
We had to push and pull to get him out of his chair.
He cried and pouted,
We yelled and shouted.
Finally he wasn't watchin' TV anymore,
So we threw the TV out the door.
But he still was there with a new TV,
Wait! There's another problem too,
We were going bankrupt,
Because all of our TVs,
Were brand new!
Easter Bunny
Every Easter night,
When the moon is at full light,
Along comes the Easter Bunny hoppin' along,
Singin' his little song:
"Yo! Ho! I'm the Easter Bunny,
Yo! Ho! I'm not that funny,
Yo! Ho! The tooth fairy's my honey!
And I'm pretty proud of that! Yeah!"
So if you're ever walking 'round,
And you hear that song,
You'll know it's a beautiful sound,
And that all your friends that say the Easter Bunny's not true,
Will be wrong!
Glue Is Bad For You
Hello, let me tell you that glue is bad,
It killed my 12 year old son,
I don't know what to do,
To make myself have fun!
Well, let me tell you my story,
It is sort of gory,
My son thought his glue was milk,
And he drank it all up,
He didn't even notice it was glue,
Until he started to hic-cup.
By then everyone was laughing,
Not because of him,
But as I say it was a laughing fume,
Soon they rushed my son,
To the emergency room.
They did everything they could,
And everything they should.
But at 2:23 P.M. and 45 seconds on Friday the 13th in April, 95,
My son,
Had to die.
So now I hope you know,

That glue is bad for you!

Little Lily and Big Billy
Little Lily and Big Billy are as different as night as to day,
But yet they like to be together,
And together they play.
I know it's kind of odd but they have lots of stuff in common,
Like reading and writing,
Being bullies and fighting.
Big Billy is 7 feet and 10 inches tall,
And Little Lily is 2 feet and 5 inches small.
They look really weird together,
And now they're going to be together forever!
If you didn't hear,
Little Lily and Big Billy were proclaimed "Odd Couple of the Year!"
They were very happy, very,
So now they're going to marry!
They're going to have kids,
That are big and small,
Short and tall.
And even some.........
That are medium-sized,
Now isn't that dumb?
My parents always told me to finish my plate if it's full,
They said that one day I would be grateful.
Well here I am,
Grown up and on my own,
I have my own home,
And I still finish all the food on my plate,
And I feel great-full,
I feel so full of great!
So always finish all the food on your plate!
Hot and steamy coffee,
It wakes you in the morn,
It makes you relaxed,
After your first child is born.
It smells very sweet,
It warms you from your nose to your feet.
It makes you hyper for about 10 minutes long,
So don't drink coffee,
It's wrong.
A Piece of Fuzz
I'm goin' to Hawaii,
So I'll get way from my big liey.
What happened was,
I was lying about a piece of fuzz.
I said it was fuzz from a dinosaur,
They all believed me then,
But not anymore.
Everybody wanted it,
Even a dinosaur ghost,
Haunted it!
I sold it,
For a kazillion dollars on one buck,
Just my luck!
And actually,
To tell you the truth,
It was from the down of a duck.
Now the police everywhere are after me,
So I'm hiding,
In a palm tree!
So I'm in Hawaii because,
I lied about a piece of fuzz.
Red is dead,
Because White killed him last night.
Yellow is quite a fellow,
Because Green is so mean.
Black ate a Big Mac,
Because Blue told him to.
Pink can't think,
Because Violet ran him over with a sky-jet.
All these colors can rhyme,
Except for purple and orange,
They're always left behind.
The Shrunken Head (may be too, gruesome for you!)
It was my 8th birthday,
I was having a fine party,
Until along came Aunt May.
She's a merchant from who knows where,
She gets stuff by trading off chunks of her long golden-red hair.
She brought me a guy that is dead,
Well, at least his head.
His head was shrunken,
And she said it was for dunkin'.
I didn't believe her so I just hung it up in my room,
And every night,
It gave me a fright.
And I have to admit,
Though it's ugly and has no hair,
I like it there.
My dad is great,
He even can predict my fate!
He hardly drinks any beer,
He also shot the biggest deer,
And won "Father of the Year!"
And now I'm glad,
To say,
"I love you Dad!"
I found a key,
I don't know where it leads to,
Someplace old,
Or someplace new.
I'll try it in every lock,
That I see,
I know somebody must be missing a key.
First I'll go home and get something to eat,
I'm sure beat.
Where did my key go?
Maybe............... no.
That's it!
Somebody stole my key,
But why?
And why from me?
I'm going to call the cops,
That key belongs to me.
Yes, it fits,
Missing my key almost scared me out of my wits!

A Short Poem
This is a short poem,
It's over now,
So please go home!

A MinEr's Day
Saw and hammer,
Bang and clatter,
Watch out for that ladder!
Time for supper,
It's so good I'm going to hug it,
Though I'd rather get a gold nugget.
No time to play,
This is a miner's day.
Living In the Stars
The night is so beautiful,
The sky is full of stars,
Maybe one day it'll be our's.
Maybe one day we'll all live in the sky,
On a star,
Or more.
We'll look down at earthand laugh until we cry,
And we'll say,
"Life is so much better when you live in the sky.
We'll have to go to earth to get food,
And when we're done,
We'll cook it on the sun.
Up there we'll smell clean from meteorite showers,
And we'll sleep on the moon,
I hope they'll make space livable soon.
There will be comets and asteroids,
But we won't fear,
Because there'll be a safe place near,
Living up in the stars would be great,
But I'd rather live here.
Yes, It's "The End"
This is the end of the book,
No more need to look,
At scary poems,
Funny poems,
Sad poems,
Happy poems,
Joyful poems,
Or people poems.
Maybe you should go home,
And write a poem of your own.

The End

The Happy Days

By: Tricia Klos







5o Pages of Fun Poems!